Tuesday, January 29, 2013

The Little Voice In Your Head..

The voice that tells you you can't. Says it's too cold. Too windy. You're too tired. Your legs are too sore. That little voice in your head..

...is a jackass.

And what treatment is best for jackasses? Ignore them.

It seems like every time I've tried training lately, the little voice plants itself firmly in my head. You're too tired. You're too busy. You're getting sick. You aren't seeing results, so why try? Whatever the reason is, something comes along, my intensity wanes, and then I stop. Not this time.

My training plan can be found here: 16 Week Half Marathon

It's a 16 week plan for beginners. It assumes only that you can comfortably run a mile. I've just started week 3, and I'm feeling good. I think eating gluten and (mostly) grain free is extremely helpful. I've stayed strong and motivated on strength training, been sure to stretch whenever I can, and I haven't missed a single day! This despite stress, no daylight by the time I get home from work, and temperatures WAY below freezing on several days.

Last week, I ran despite a high of 10 and a wind chill of -5. Today, I ran in a high of 50, with standing puddles on most sidewalks still containing yesterday's snow. Yesterday, I did a 5x5 of deadlifts at 115, plus ab work despite a cough, headache and congestion. Best of all, last week, I did deadlifts, kettlebell swings and more, despite my husband coming into our gym (basement), pushing me out of my comfort zone and taking me past the point where I got annoyed. "Try this move! Try this weight!"

I love him, but when pushed like that, completely out of my comfort zone, my natural response is to shut down. To get angry. To quit.  He showed me a move I couldn't quite do, after making me lift heavy. Took from from a proud high to a frustrated, embarrassed low. When he left the room, I sat next to the barbell, elbows on knees, face in hands, feeling that same feeling. That little voice in my head, "You failed, give up, you lifted a little, it's OK, you can quit now."

I almost quit.

And then a new voice jumped in. "You're not doing this for him." And that little voice stuck.

I'm not doing this for my husband. I'm not doing this for my mother. I'm not doing this for weight loss. I'm not doing this for some vain need to look good in a bikini this summer (even if that is an added perk). I am not doing this for my  mother-in-law. I am not doing this for anyone at my almost over job. I am not doing this for my agonizing, ongoing job hunt.

I am doing this for me.

I am doing this to prove I can. I am doing this because I want to give up giving up. I am doing this because it is a challenge and I am strong. I do it to honor, strengthen and love the body God gave me. I am doing this for that amazing moment, that moment when I cross that finish line and I ran the whole thing, 13.1 miles.

That little voice in my head will help, or it will be ignored. But the good one, the positive one, is getting strong every day. I am doing this for me.

"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary..."  -Isaiah 40:31

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