Thursday, June 2, 2011

Planning Without Debating...

Get ready...  today's brief post involves an odd mesh of topics. Reintegration + wedding planning. I will try to be kind to the fiance, but hey, I'm brutally honest with you guys, right?

Wedding planning. It is a mess of decisions, debates, and inane details. Which ribbon should we use here? What are the merits of this daisy over that daisy in arrangements? Feeding friends and family fruit vs. veggies... Now, during this process, I think any guy would prefer to simply say "Yes, No, Whatever you want honey."  But I want my guy involved, especially because he has agreed with me in the past on unrelated issues only to tell me months later that he didn't actually agree. I'm a firm believer that this is our wedding and thus I want him happy.

Except, I'm trying to do this with a guy who is approximately a month and a half removed from Afghanistan. I'm used to the occasional order. "Go." "Move." He's home, he's not entirely used to me yet, he'd still prefer to be in his NCO role, dealing with his soldiers. On top of that, he would much prefer that I just make snap decisions instead of debating each little one. Ladies who have planned weddings, I can hear you laughing...

Most recently, we debated menu decisions for the cocktail reception. Well, I debated them. I announced what I thought would be two good choices... fruit tray and artisan cheese. Ladies, you know where this is going... I began to wonder aloud if perhaps we should do cheese and veggies for more substance because guests would be drinking. Maybe that makes fruit better because it's hydrating. Maybe brie because my stepdad likes it. But then we can't have two cheeses. You know where I'm going. This decision still is not made. The SGT got frustrated, couldn't understand why I was even debating this, and went off to make a smoothie. I stormed off to my room.

Even registering can be an adventure. I'm always on edge right now. I know he has very little patience right now. I know crowds make him uncomfortable. I know how he reacts to these debates over colors, patterns, etc. Registering is instead a test in measurements. How long can he wait through it, how many people until there's too many, how much do I worry about decorating vs. deciding?

It's not all bad. And he's not as bad as you might be thinking. He's a normal guy, a normal soldier who is home from a messed up country, from the same clothes every day, from no real choice in his food, from a little cot in a tiny trailer, from snap decisions, from leading other soldiers, from war. Oh right, and there's that rattled brain thing...   But grand scheme of things, he's good. He helps cook, clean, etc. He often rubs my feet. And he tells me he loves me and thanks me for putting up with him. So we'll overcome this adventure too.  I just wish he understood fruit vs. veggies, and not in terms of Crossfit and his Paleo diet.  But hey...  I don't suppose any man cares about that decision!

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