This Week's Lesson...

I believe God is always speaking to us. Constantly. It's just we aren't always listening. Or maybe it's just we can't always understand what He is saying.   I think one of my most common prayers is asking Him to help me understand, to open my heart so I can hear, to help me figure out His plan, what He's teaching me.

Sometimes I can't figure it out, no matter how hard I try. I'm left feeling lost, confused, alone. I never stop doubting that God has a plan for me, and that it is good, because He told me so. But I have no idea what that plan is, or where we're going on this seemingly roundabout way of getting there!!

Other times, it just smacks you in the face. For all the times I've begged, I think I've been spoken to directly only about 3 times. Other times, I just know in my heart that I've figured it out. Well, maybe not "it", but part of it.

So what are you telling me right now God? What are you teaching me? With all this uncertainty, a situation seemingly perfectly made to keep me from moving forward in my career while my former co-workers seem to be finding wonderful jobs where they are clearly moving forward? With this incredibly challenging start to my marriage? With our cancelled honeymoon and Facebook photos from everyone else's honeymoons?  Facebook, you evil, evil thing. Where all these new jobs, honeymoons booked where we were supposed to go, surprises and dates to start everyone else's marriages are jammed in our faces.

Any guess where I'm going?  Jealousy.

I'm convinced I'm being 'tortured' and tempted because I need to learn to be genuinely happy for other people. (I can't say about everything...  other people's stupidity will still get me ranting) But for too long I've taken genuine injustices, and rolled the anger toward everything else. I've allowed things to get under my skin and get angry about situations that I shouldn't. I've certainly dropped into the "why me?" mentality on certain occasions.

So this week's lesson (or this month's, this could take a while)...  which will also be a big step back toward the optimistic person I used to me...  is to be genuinely happy for others. Regardless of what I'm happy about. Some things are very easy to be happy about, and some are far more challenging. But I'm going to fight and strive against that jealousy monster.  So I'm happy for your job, your honeymoon, your date night. I truly hope you enjoy it. And I'm going to keep counting the blessings in my situation Because it's really not that bad. For any of us.