Keep Calm and Indulge in Mexican Food...

At the end of this week, I will be unemployed. Having done my best to keep my place of employment anonymous, and of course, knowing that anything I blog about is my opinion alone and in no way is the opinion of my employer, I'll just give it to you simply. It's a tough economy, and layoffs were needed.

I've left a job on my own, endured 7 months of unemployment, endured endless months of worrying about losing my job (at multiple companies), and all the other things that seem to simply be 'normal' when you come of age professionally in this type of economy. It seems like no position is safe, and the worries will always chase you. They never quite caught me though.  Until now.

I wish I was a newlywed, and not a soon-to-be-married. It's scary to think about bridesmaid gifts, makeup artists, and other expenses when my income is about to vanish before my eyes. It's hard to think about journeying back into the land of job hunting. That barren, harsh desert that I only found my way out of a year and a half ago. It's strange to carry a box of my stuff home from the office, and know that it is not at all by my choosing. To stare at my desk at home and think about how I need to organize it so it can become 'hunt central'. To think about the two-bedroom apartment that we were left with, didn't really need, and now can't afford.

But it's not all bad. It never is. I will have only a two-week gap in insurance before I am married and can be added to my husband's. I am only 47 days away from what should be the happiest day of my life (assuming I don't kick either mother first). I get to spend time at home with the cats. Right? We may not be married yet, but at least, this time, I have someone at home to support me, to help me financially, to maybe even give me the occasional footrub...    And hey, losing weight for the wedding will be NO problem now!

But I have the guilt. The guilt that he has to support me. The guilt and self-loathing that comes with unexpected unemployment, even if it's irrational because it's not your fault. That feeling of failure.

So, I embrace the guilt! Diet be damned! I'm enjoying the $10 birthday reward from Don Pablo's! Chips and salsa, tacos and margaritas can cure almost anything! And I remind myself that God has a plan, a bigger picture, and I have a good and prosperous place in that picture. After all, He told me I do! And these times of trial teach us to trust Him more.

So, come September, when they talk about August's unemployment rate and new unemployment claims, think of me. I'll be a statistic. But don't worry too much, I'll be a statistic who also has time for wedding planning, time to exercise and lost weight, has made a very clean house, and yes, is indulging in the occasional Mexican food.